Library/Suppressed Feelings
Suppressed Feelings is a one-shot written in like, three days, on August 2017.. Summary After keeping his feelings hidden for so long, Blade finally decides to confess his crush to Iron. But it's not as easy as it sounds, and he needs all the courage he can get, just to try and put his mind and his heart at ease. Features Characters * Blade * Iron * Zelly (Mentioned) Locations * Rem Forest Suppressed Feelings Blade waited patiently as he glanced at his best friend Iron, kissing his sister Zelly goodbye as the two whispered sweet nothings to each other, smiling happily and sharing a few smiles. Blade tried to compose himself as the sight of the two had always given him a sick agonizing feeling in his stomach, perhaps it was the fact that his sister and his best friend had been dating for the last few years. He did feel content that both of them were happy but he could never shake the gloom discomfort that he would feel whenever he was in their presence. Being all… lovey-dovey… Blade crossed his fingers, pressing his thumbs as Iron approached with a smile, waving friendly. Blade smiled back as he saw him approaching – Heya Ron, how’s it going? – His smile faded as Iron stopped in his way, looking concerned at him. - Hey, what’s with that look? Blade blinked, his sky blue eyes looking at the sides as he pondered what had given away that he was feeling bothered – Look? What look? Nothing’s wrong, I’m just thinking about how hungry I feel. Remember how we were going to that café and grab some snacks? – Blade quickly shifted the conversation, his smile bright even if deep down, he was feeling nervous. Why did he lie? - That was last week... Huh. Dude you just look like you haven’t got any sleep… Somethin’ happened? Zel said you’ve been kinda down lately but refuse to tell her what’s up. - Nah, I’m fine really! – He quickly retorted but his focus was soon lost again – It’s uh… I’m just tired! Blade could help but to seem embarrassed as he spoke, he wasn’t like this, he was used to keeping to himself and being a detached joker, but of course that even his best friend had noticed the signs that said something wasn’t right. - And I’ve… had a lot on my mind lately. Iron frowned with this, and placed his hand on Blade’s shoulder, to get him to actually look at him when he spoke. It was unlike Blade to be this shifty eyed and anxious in the presence of a friend and Iron just glared at him, as if trying to read his anxious expression. - Ron. You’re just being creepy like that! - He seemed so tense when confronted and forced a laugh, the glare on Iron’s face softened as he let out a laugh, and a discreet blush appeared on the nervous boy’s cheeks. - Alright. Well, since you’re hungry, want to grab somethin’ to eat then? Why was his laugh so… so cute…? And his stupid smile… In that nervous state, Blade couldn’t stop thinking about his friend and how fuzzy everything felt every time he was around. It was only until recently that he realized what the butterflies on his stomach were, and how his heart just begged to spend every moment together with him, hanging out, doing pranks, playing games, and maybe… Maybe they could… The sound of snapping fingers in front of his face broke his trance as Iron’s look was of serious concern now – Blay. You there? - Wh- What…? Yeah let’s… Let’s do that, yeah… - You completely zoned out just now. And you’re blushing like hell too. – He pressed his hand against the boy’s forehead – Fever perhaps? - No no! I’m okay, - he shook his hand away - I’m just… uh... - Just in no condition to be out like this. I’m takin’ you home. - Dude I’m fine, really! - Yeah that’s what they all say. – Iron sighed – Let’s sit down first, I’m actually scared you’ll faint on me or somethin’… - he began to walk to some spot under a tree and away from the harsh sunlight. - Yeah whatever. I’m not actually sick… - Blade tried to sound relaxed as he followed him but it simply came out as awkward and forced. - Then what’s wrong? - Uhm… Well I… I don’t want to be talking about it… I really don’t know what it is myself…- he spoke as the two sat down. Could that be considered a lie? He knew exactly what he felt, but also knew as a matter of fact, that none of it actually made sense. He had always been attracted to girls, but upon meeting Iron, the same feelings he got when he had crushes were coming back to him at full force. Maybe it really was just a simple crush, but then why didn’t it leave? Why did he still fantasize about being close to him in silence? Why was it that when they slept at each other’s place, Blade had to keep himself from wanting to snuggle up to where his friend was resting. Why did he still get jealous? Why did he still want to kiss him and… and feel his lips against his own? - I’m… frustrated... - I won’t force you but you know you can tell me if something’s up, right? - Heh, really, Ron. It’s no big deal… - Blade forced a smile, but Iron wasn’t convinced, and it’s not like he would understand anyway. - Well who hurt you then? – Iron asked in a joking way, but Blade could still feel the serious tone slipping through. - No one. I just… Well… - Quit stalling. - Well not if you’re going to be pushing me like that. - Okay okay! You’re just reminding me of someone I know, and it’s getting me nervous how vague you’re trying to be about this! - You think you’re the one who’s nervous? – Blade laughed anxiously, feeling overwhelmed – You know I don’t do well with pressure! Blade had told himself that today he’d finally tell him the truth, say it was no big deal, be rejected and finally be able to move on from the thought of an impossible relationship. But now that he was finally faced with the chance, he didn’t know how to react, what to say or what to do – I… I think I like someone… Iron was surprised by this and smiled – Oh my God? Is that why you’re frustrated? Who’s the lucky gal? – Iron smiled apologetically and tried to make him feel at ease, which only had the exact opposite effect as Blade couldn’t face him upon hearing this. - H-Huh… You… You never met her… - he immediately cursed himself for this lie, knowing it would only bring more and more awkward questions. - ‘Cuz you never told me, you nerd! – Iron grinned – Have you told her yet? - I… I can’t… He’s… - he cleared his throat – She’s... taken… I can’t… - Oh… - Iron looked awkward by this – I’m sorry to hear that… Blade remained quiet, still unable to face his friend whose face he was blatantly lying to. - It’s best to try and move on… - Iron smiled, patting his back – Or… You know, not to get your hopes up, but she might break up with her bf and you might stand a chance… Blade was getting so overwhelmed by this conversation, the truth begging to leave his mouth, but his fear kept him quiet. Why did he keep lying?! – Sh-She doesn’t… l-like m-men… He just made it more and more awkward with every word and he could feel Iron’s gaze on him, increasing his anxiety, but his hand just rubbed his back as his olive green eyes looked sympathetically at him – Oh that’s… I’m sorry about that, Blay... I know you’ll find someone eventually. You’re a nice guy, you’re funny and charismatic, all that. You should be fine… - he kept rubbing his back and Blade just sat tense, feeling so close to reaching his breaking point. His friend was so close, but so distant all at the same time, this was torment. - Just know I’ll help you out through this... You don’t have to keep quiet about things that bother you… There it was. Upon hearing his words, Blade broke down into sobs much to Iron’s surprise as he couldn’t recall the last time he saw him cry like this. Fear and anxiety were screaming in Blade’s head, he couldn’t let him know, he couldn’t tell him, if he did, he’d lose his friend forever! His crying got quiet when Iron just hugged him, with a sigh – Come on, buddy. Just let it all out. Confusion filled his head and the nerves just made him cry out even more, but he hugged him back tightly as he could feel his warmth. This would probably be the last time they’d be together and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He couldn’t bear to lose his only friend. He cried for some minutes, as Iron occasionally rubbed his back to help him calm down and after a while, he eventually spoke – …B, can I tell you somethin’? Blade didn’t respond, his loud sobs were now just whimpers as he let go of Iron ashamed of himself, a small scared nod was his only response. Iron stared for a bit and sight. - I may not be that smart but I ain’t dumb. – Iron spoke calmly – And I’ve known you well enough to know when you lie to me… Blade kept looking away from him, his heart was racing and his face was flushed red. - Do you trust me when I say that you can tell me anything? – He continued but Blade was only able to weakly shake his head. Iron wouldn’t ever accept the fact that he had these feelings, not ever. At least not without being incredibly uncomfortable with Blade and himself. - I couldn’t give less of a shit if you like girls or guys or whatever and- - Ron I… I’m sorry! – Blade interrupted him nervously – I-I d-didn’t want you to know I was in love with you, okay! – he spoke making Iron look in surprised - I-I wanted to tell you the truth, without making you disgusted by me…! B-But I d-didn’t know what I r-really felt…! Iron just looked at him, blinking speechless – You… what?! – His look was of genuine confusion – Me?? Okay I was way off, I thought you were talking about being gay for someone else! This only increased Blade’s fear as tears began to fall down his cheeks again and he prepared to run away in shame and humiliation. But not before Iron grabbed his arm, preventing him from running away – Wait no! It’s okay! It’s fine! You can talk about it! - T-There’s nothing to talk about! D-Don’t tell Zel! - Damn it, dude. She knows, I know, we both know. You were so obvious at some points… By now I thought you were over it and liked someone else… Fuck, I’m sorry I was such an ass just now. Blade’s cheeks got more and more flushed as he was both flustered and incredibly embarrassed as his eyes finally looked back at Iron incredulously. - Y-You knew…?! - We… Well we just assumed. But it was awkward to bring it up, you know? - Oh shit… - Blade was so overwhelmed as he looked down at the side and covered his mouth as he wept – I-I’m so sorry… - No, it’s okay…! You really didn’t do anythin’ bad. – Iron sighed – I really wasn’t prepared to be havin’ this conversation this soon. Blade didn’t reply, all of his being was composed of pure shame and humiliation as he just closed his eyes shut, trying to stop sobbing and shook his head in some sort of denial. Iron was saddened to see him in such a state and just didn’t know how to react - I can’t reciprocate your feelings… But what I can do is to give you some distance in order to help you move on? Or I can help you find someone else? - I-I don’t want to lose you too…! I won’t do anything, I swear…! - I mean… It’s for your own good if it helps... - I-I can’t… I don’t want to! Please don’t push me away, Ron! I promise I won’t do anything…! He was practically begging between sobs at this point and Iron too was overwhelmed by this as he gave him a concerned look – It’s okay, I was just suggesting… Try to calm down first, okay? Blade nodded uncertainly and cleaned his eyes, just looking down nervously. - For how long have you been feelin’ like this? – Iron continued worried - A few years… I j-just figured it would pass… But I kept thinking of you… I-I wanted to be with you, I… - he began tearing up again but Iron placed his hand on his shoulder. - Hey. Relax. We’ll figure something out, okay? We’re still friends… That won’t change. – a soft smile appeared on his face to try and comfort him, and between tears a sad weak smile appeared on Blade’s face as he reached to hug his friend once more. - Thanks… You’re the best… Iron blushed, not knowing how to react other than to hug him back with an awkward smile – Heh… come on… Wipe those tears off your face. Let’s go grab something to eat and talk about it... Blade let go of him and nodded, letting out an embarrassed laugh – Yeah... Alright let’s… let’s go. – He smiled and the two got up, going on their way as they chatted calmly. Category:Library